Hey guys

I’m not dead, just so everyone knows. I’m still going to Prom and I’m going to eventually, hopefully soon, come back to school. I really miss school and seeing everyone. I saw Mrs. Lauben when I stopped in the other day for the first time since vacation. You have to love Lauben, you really do. I’m really worried cause I’m falling so far behind, especially since I need to get my GPA back above 88%. But I’ll make it. I’m determined.
I’d tell you what’s wrong with me but, I’m in the dark as much as you. I’ve been on three antibiotics, steroids, I’ve had two blood tests, a CAT scan and a Biopsy on Tuesday. They still have no idea what’s wrong. To be honest, I’m really scared. I mean, it was one thing back during vacation, but I’m on my thrid week of tests and doctors and the pain and everything is just getting worse. It started with this bump on the side of my face, like in front of my ear, I’ve showed a few people. And my mom thought it went along with my eye, cause I has this HUGE eye problem over break. But it was there before and now after. It started the size of a marble and that was over a month ago. It’s been growing, but as of the other day, it started surrounding my ear, and today it’s bigger than a baseball and covers from almost the top of my ear all the way underneath it. I’ve been in pain but this weeks been the hardest, I havn’t done much but lay down, and when I do get up I’m extremely dizzy and neasuas. I go back to the doctor tomorrow, they’re supposed to have the results from the second blood test and the biopsy, and they should have an idea. But, I’ve gotten that promise for the past couple times.
Last week, I was scared, but the pain was just headaches and stuff I’m used to. I was allowed to leave the house and sleep in my room but, Saturday changed that. Emily was over for the weekend and we were just next door and David’s house, watching a movie. After a while, like halfway through I started feeling short of breath, like you know that feeling when someone is sitting on your chest? That one. And my arms were all tingly and hurt. David was holding my hand and I asked him to stop deathgripping my fingers and he was all confused and told me he was barely putting any pressure on my hand. I shrugged it off and changed the way we were holding hands. But when I tried to stand up I fell right back down. I couldn’t breathe and I had to sit, I was struggling to just get air in and out and I was so dizzy. We went over to my house, David supporting me and I started digging through my backpack for my inhaler. That didn’t help and I ended up laying on the floor. I was worried, I could tell David was scared out of his mind, and well, Emily was clinging to Dillon. We changed up meds after that night. I’m now not allowed to sleep alone, not supposed to go upstairs to my room unless it’s a be right back trip, and I can’t leave the house without someone with me. My dad almost came into the school on Tuesday with me.
But, it is all for the better. If the tests don’t show much on Friday, they’re thinking about hospitalizing me. I don’t know if I could handle that. It’s one thing, these past few weeks being all alone at home, waiting all day for David to get off the bus, and he wasn’t my neighbor I probably wouldn’t see him either. But, being alone all day in a hospital room. I really don’t think I could handle that. All I’ve been thinking lately is I just want to wake up and be okay and come back to school and deal with stupid crap like Mrs. Seeley and stupid people in gym and bad food at lunch.
Oh, I can’t read. Yeah. Soak that in. It’s actually really agonizing to be on here now, but I’m full of extremely high dose pain killers so, I’m trying. It hit me today I could tell people what was going on through my blog, or you know, at least Decap. But yeah. I cannot read. Well, I can, I can try, but I helped David with math the other day, no more than five mintues, and it was just like stuff we took in 7th grade, solving for x and y and I couldn’t do anything but just lay down for around an hour and a half. So, I can’t do my school work, I can’t read to make myself feel better. I’m really not supposed to be on here either. I just wanted a few people to have some idea of how things were going. I’m kind of scared for Prom, cause if something happens, I really don’t know how it would go down. I’m not missing Prom, that’s all I really have to say about that.
Well, my head is starting to really hurt again. I’ll see you guys at Prom Preview practice in a few hours. I miss a lot of you.
=/

~ by mx3288 on May 1, 2008.